Freaky Under Cover Kisses

Dec 1, 2006
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By Maria Merlino


Freaky Under Cover Kisses AfghanGet your freak on with this amusing coverlet. Without just coming out and announcing it, your favorite four-letter word can be draped across the sofa or bed and only the literate will be the wiser. Another use for it is The Hint Blanket. Express your needs to your lover and keep warm at the same time while he/she gets the hint!

I’ve used easily found worsted weight yarn and the old stand-by hook, an H/5mm. I’ve chosen the extended double crochet stitch (edc) to work this afghan. It’s a true favorite of mine and I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I do. The beauty of the edc when working with color changes is that you can just carry the unused strand across the top of the work and with a gentle tug, you won’t get any peek through. Of course, if you enjoy tearing your hair out, you can work the chart in single crochet and wind numerous bobbins for the lettering. The article will be less than half the size, though. Whatever you choose to do, have fun doing it!

Materials List

  • 4 ply, worsted weight yarn such as Red Heart Super Saver, or Caron Pounder
    • MC:  approx. 16 oz/835 yds/764 m white
    • CC1:  approx. 2 oz/105 yds/96 m red
    • CC2:  approx. 6 oz /315 yds/288 m black
  • H/5.0mm hook

Finished Size

26” x 55”  (66 cm x 135 cm)


12 sts x 6 rows of edc = 4" (10 cm)


  • To change color, work edc until the last 2 loops remain on hook, drop first color to wrong side of work (or "carry" the yarn by crocheting over it), work the final yo and draw-through with new color to complete stitch. 
  • Keep all unused strands of yarn on wrong side of work or "carry" the unused strands by crocheting over them.
  • When fastening off a color, leave a 3" tail to weave in. 
  • Odd numbered rows are right side and, referring to the chart, are worked from right to left.
  • Even numbered rows are wrong side and, referring to the chart, are worked from left to right.
  • The ch-2 at the end of each row does not count as a stitch. 

Special stitches:

Extended double crochet (edc): yo hook, insert hook into stitch, draw up a loop, yo, draw through one loop on hook only (3 loops on hook remaining), yo, draw through 2 loops on hoop, yo, draw through remaining 2 loops on hook.

The Pattern


Freaky Under Cover Kisses crochet chartWith MC, ch 82. 

Row 1: Starting in 3rd ch from hook, edc (see Special Stitches) in each st across, ch 2, turn.  (80 sts). 

Row 2-6: Edc in each st across, ch 2, turn.

Row 7:  Edc in each of next 20 sts, with CC1, edc in  each of next 2 sts, with MC, edc in next st, with CC1, edc in each of next 3 sts, with MC, edc in next st, with CC1, edc in each of next 8 sts, with MC, edc in each of next 2 sts, with CC1, edc in each of next 2 sts, with MC, edc in next st, with CC1, edc in each of next 3 sts, with MC, edc in each of next 2 sts, with CC1, edc in each of next 2 sts, with MC, edc in next st, with CC1, edc in each of next 3 sts, with MC, edc in next st, with CC1, edc in each of next 5 sts, with MC, edc in next st, with CC1, edc in each of next 6 sts, with MC, edc in next st, with CC1, edc in each of next 5 sts, with MC, edc in each st across, ch 2, turn. 

Rows 8-90: Edc in each st across, working the color changes according to the chart (click for larger version), ch 2, turn.

Fasten off, weave in all ends.

+ Add a comment


CrochetCharma wrote
on Dec 2, 2006 10:11 AM

I Love It! It super rocks. Super fun and Super funny!

Bridget wrote
on Dec 2, 2006 4:35 PM

Oh My Gosh! I must make one of these for my boyfriend! He's a Super Freak!

Maria wrote
on Dec 2, 2006 5:08 PM

Hi Bridget! I hope he likes it! This afghan works up fast, so you'll have all wrapped up for Christmas!

Take care,


Maria wrote
on Dec 2, 2006 5:14 PM

Hi CrochetCharma! When Kim asked me for something edgy, this is as close to the cliff that I dared! Glad you like it!

Take care,


Anonymous wrote
on Dec 4, 2006 5:06 AM

I am very disturbed to see such poor taste in a family magazine. And by your sounds like you have some morals...but...this afghan...would you put that on a child's such as you speak of here..." “Every child needs a stocking for Santa to fill,” Maria began A Stocking Full Of Love, a charity that collects and distributes holiday stockings for children suffering from health issues or the ravages of poverty. "... And what right do you have to assume that the afghan contains "your favorite four-letter word"...who's favorite...not mine nor that of people with morals.

Anonymous wrote
on Dec 4, 2006 5:57 AM
Hello Anonymous, I appreciate your comments and thoughts about my pattern. I run into judgemental people now and then. I once ran an ad in a crochet magazine for my Pentacle Shawl. I got a number of
e-mails and the publisher of the magazine got a number of e-mails with the same type of message as yours, Pentacles were immoral... how could you run this unGodly ad....the designer helps children but designs pentacles...this is a family magazine....we're going to drop our subscription if we see pentacles again....and so on and so forth.

Whether it's a symbol or a naughty word, there will always be a bit of controversy. Humor is subjective. I did stand-up comedy in comedy clubs for a many years and my humor was blue. I did children's entertainment for many years also and my comedy act for them was Ivory Soap. I wouldn't dream of personally attacking you, but you don't mind mind calling me names. I love America because we have a Bill of Rights. "While I may not agree with what you say, I will fight to the death, your right to say it".

Take care,


Anonymous wrote
on Dec 4, 2006 1:30 PM

Just a quick comment: The fact of the matter is, we are all judgemental. To deny that is to deny that we're human. By developing an opinion about something, we are judging it. And while I do not agree with profanity having ANYTHING to do with whether or not you are a moral person, perhaps even those who compliment the pattern should be told that they, too, are judgemental. Personally, I find the use of profanity to be overdone and lack a certain thoughtfulness, but then again, I may be being judgemental.

on Dec 4, 2006 1:53 PM

I'm chiming in here to remind commenters please to keep comments relevant to the pattern on this page, and to take discussions of even a remotely personal, or even a more general ideological nature off-site. I'll moderate at my discretion if this discussion gets unpleasant or veers further off topic.


Kim, Ed.

Anonymous wrote
on Dec 5, 2006 7:41 AM

It's interesting what people's ideas of 'edgy' are. To me, this isn't edgy. It's more high school humor. While I'm not flaming it, it's just not my idea of funny. Maybe if I was still in high school...

To me, edgy would have been a snowflake bra and matching snowflake panties all done in white and silver sparkly yarn/thread.

on Dec 5, 2006 8:48 AM

Fair enough. I'm looking forward to your submission. :)


Kim, Ed.

Robyn wrote
on Dec 5, 2006 10:18 AM

Thanks for the pattern Maria, it made me chuckle thinking about what my hubbie would do if I put that on our bed. I haven't used the extended double crochet in a while, but what a good idea for graph work.

JOY wrote
on Dec 5, 2006 12:01 PM

I may not use your pattern, but I certainly think you have a right to design and publish anything if it meets your OWN standards for marketability, taste, and humor. To each his own. Naysayers, don't look at it if it offends you.

Veronica wrote
on Dec 5, 2006 12:26 PM

Maria, I think this is hilarious and fun! It would be a great gift for my husband & I appreciate the use of good ol' red heart super saver!

Anonymous wrote
on Dec 5, 2006 8:18 PM

I love a good crochet pattern, and I love a good scandal. Today, I get both!

Brenda wrote
on Dec 6, 2006 8:42 PM

I have heard a lot about Crochet Me! and was really looking forward this issue. What a major let down. This pattern is offensive and it diminishes the other designers work. I am very disappointed. I won't be back.

Jinni wrote
on Dec 6, 2006 9:27 PM

How funny!!!! I'm kinda new at crochet, and my husband kept asking me when was I going to make something for him. Well, I made this blanket. I messed up a few times, but got it right in the end. I just wrapped it and put in under the tree (I'm so excited). I've made every woman in my family a scarf or a hat...been afraid of blankets. Now I'm off to search for more blanket patterns.

Take care

CrochetCharma wrote
on Dec 6, 2006 10:25 PM

What I love about Crochetme is the alternative and innovative designs. I find most patterns in stores and in your average books to be very conventional and grandma-esque. It is refreshing to have a choice of young, fresh, unique, and edgy designs. While all the patterns may not be for everybody, there is always something for everybody. Fun, Unique, Crazy, Krochet!

Anonymous wrote
on Dec 7, 2006 12:57 PM

Hi ( I wish I knew your name or nic), I am going to quickly reply to your commments to clarify my statement by which I stand. I welcome all fair comment, and am not marred an iota by negative thoughts directed toward me. I got out of the schoolyard a long time ago and have no desire to engage in any tit-for-tat or getting the last word type of senario. Judgemental behavior, (characterized by judging harshly), and personal opinion, (everybody has one), are not the same. Subjective opinion on a matter, implies a conclusion that is thought out, yet open to dispute. Judgement on the other hand is opinion that is, in fact, authoritative. The first writer thought that Crochet Me is a family magazine. Not factual, as I double checked with Kim. What is disturbing to me are the vituporous comments posted in other forums about this month's issue and about how the patterns are not up to a certain "free pattern" standard, if there is such an animal. I have seen patterns for free on other websites that were sub-par in workmanship and clarity of direction. Yet, complaints were bitterly opined that The Professional, which would have been lost, hadn't Kim adopted it, was already published and that the scarf patterns were a been there done that type of thing. Posts that impugn a body of work can be compared to unsportsman-like behaviour, especially if the patterns have no monetary value. Or,another way of looking at it, as they say in my neighborhood, "Yo! Waddaya want fanuttin'?" A gentle reminder that free patterns aren't a right, but more of a something for your enjoyment and personal pleasure by the authors. Like them or lump them. Disapproving comments that hurt the editor, her time and hard work are self-defeating. Just a quick aside, within 48 hours of Crochet Me, my website received more than 200 hits to download my free patterns. I'd like to thank everyone for the great response!

Take care,


Maria wrote
on Dec 7, 2006 1:05 PM

Hi Robyn, I adore the edc! The work grows so quickly and yet it isn't as holey as the trc. I've substituted the edc for dc many times. Try it for shells. Superb!

So....what would your husband like to "read" in bed?

It could be my next project.

Take care,


Maria wrote
on Dec 7, 2006 1:32 PM

Hi Joy, There's a song on the CD Mob Hits called To Each His Own, sung by South Philadelphia native son, Al Martino, who by the way is a great cook! If you go to any Italian restuarant here, chances are you'll hear him singing it on the sound system. Anyway, why I got reminded of that, is that yes, the phrase is a kind of live and let live. Although I don't think the Mob feels the same way! South Philly is very Mob-ish. We've had a number of top Mafioso killed and dumped in the weeds. As the saying goes, "Live by the gun and the sword; die by the gun and the sword."

Take care,


Maria wrote
on Dec 7, 2006 2:01 PM

Hello Veronica, You can't beat the value that Super Saver gives. Red Heart did down size the ounces recently because Acrylic yarn is a by-product of petroleum. Due to the increase in barrels of oil from the Middle East, Red Heart either had the choice to keep the the same weight and raise the price or take the skein down to 7 oz. at the same price. So don't blame Red Heart. This is all George Bush's fault; he doesn't like crocheters! (WinkWink)

Take care,


Maria wrote
on Dec 7, 2006 2:46 PM

Hi Ho Brenda! I seriously thought about your comments and mulled them over in my mind. Previous to the day you wrote your opinion, you had never seen an issue of Crochet Me!? Why were you looking forward to this issue? You said you heard a lot about it but did you ever see any back issues or found patterns from it on Crochet Pattern Central? Crochet Me! is like an anthology, exept that instead of short stories, different people contribute their own patterns and editorial content.I don't know any of the designers nor they me. The editor adds her own material and puts it all together to produce an internet magazine. I am presuming you are an adult woman and so am I, so we share that in common. Heart-to-heart here, but having a major let down because of one pattern in an internet magazine that you never saw, well....I envy you. I've had all kinds of major let downs, the most minor of my major let downs was getting stood up on a date when I was 14. I felt crushed. I cried. I hope you are not as crushed or crying because of my pattern. I've also had a bad meal or two but that didn't stop me from going back to the table. Brenda, what I am saying is enjoy what life has to offer you. Cherry pick what makes you happy and leave the rest.

Take care,


Carrie wrote
on Dec 10, 2006 7:20 PM

The crochet pattern world has gazillions of "family" patterns that people with "morales" can enjoy. I was pleasantly suprised to see something a little naughty in this issue. Sure, maybe it's not for you, but as you can see from the posts here, a lot of people like it. And that doesn't make them bad people.

P.S. It's not nice to attack people.

croshay wrote
on Dec 10, 2006 8:46 PM

I wasnt sure what you meant, so I looked up "edgy" at and found a great quote..

Daria - "As far as I can make out, edgy occurs when middlebrow, middle-aged profiteers are looking to suck the energy -- not to mention the spending money -- out of the "youth culture." So they come up with this fake concept of seeming to be dangerous when every move they make is the result of market research and a corporate master plan."

Monica wrote
on Dec 12, 2006 1:50 PM

Hi Maria (and everyone else),

I am finding this whole comment line very interesting. I myself like your pattern: very thrifty, in it's use of a common yarn that I'm sure quite a few of us have in our stashes; a new spin on a familiar and loved type of pattern (lap blankets/afghans); and it is very creative in the subject matter. However, what I am finding the most interesting is that how some people can not act like adults and deal with what may be displeasing to them in a better way. I wonder, does someone that may not have liked the wording used to give a hint to their spouse to 'come and join me under the covers for a little whoopie (as in the decades' old song, 'Making Whoopie') also jump all over their friends when they send them a joke that they thought was a little too strong? Did they ban their kids from watching '90210' or 'The OC' because they didn't want their kids corrupted, or did they instead explain to their kids why they did not want them doing the same things?

Ok, so if you have a problem with Maria's choice of wording -- I, like Maria can be 'blue' one moment and 'Ivory Snow' the next, depending on the situation and who I am interacting with (just as many people in the world are; think of Julie Andrews, she varies between 'The Sound of Music' to 'S.O.B.' ["I've got to show my boobies."] and back again to 'The Princess Diaries') -- change the wording, perhaps to the phrase you use to tell your hubby that you are in the mood that night so get the kids to bed early. I mean, come on people, even Cole Porter sang about it, "Let's do it (let's fall in love)". Perhaps Maria would be willing to supply the entire charted alphabet so that women (somehow I'm sure that it's only women balking about all of this; we grown 'women' have a way of reverting in age sometimes) could make their own personal version of the afghan.

Maria wrote
on Dec 13, 2006 4:25 PM

Hi Monica, I enjoyed reading your cogent summation. And, Yes! I am willing to provide the Alphabet Stencil graph as a free download on my website to anyone who would like it. For a copy, go to my webpage and click on the Free Patterns button.

Thanks for the suggestion, Monica!

Take care,


Andrea wrote
on Dec 13, 2006 10:29 PM

HA!! It took me a minute to get it. At first I was like, "Wow, that's lame." THEN I realized it spelled the F word vertically. Yeah. I'm SLOW...(then again, it's past my usual bed time). Do you think this could work as a wedding gift?

Maria wrote
on Dec 14, 2006 4:26 PM

Hi Andrea, You know, this might make a fun gift at the bachelorette party. I've been to a few of them where they have all kinds of sexy and sometimes raunchy party favors. Everyone is in a "girl's gone wild" mood at these affairs,and the blanket can be used as a prop or backdrop. I think it would be a kick!

Take care,


Roni wrote
on Dec 18, 2006 4:27 PM

It took me a while to get it, too, Andrea. I think it\\\'s cute and kinda funny! I think I\\\'ll make it for my bedroom. Of course I\\\'ll have to hide it when my mother comes over....

Heather wrote
on Dec 23, 2006 7:48 PM

I am SO glad to know I am not the only one for whom it took a minute!!

I have three kids, we all know how to "do it" and everyone with kids proved it. Still, it did take me an min, and I think it is adorable. My teenager saw it WAY faster than me, and my 8 year old son just read the words, shrugged and walked away. To me, that means it is perfect. Besides, if you end up using it as a lap blanket or accidentally leave it out, and it isn't spread out perfectly neatly, nobody will have a clue anyway on what it says....not if it is rumpled or folded. Not like you are going to hang it on the livingroom wall! LOL

This was also a learning experience, as I had never heard of the Extended Double Crochet, and I do crochet a lot.

Karla wrote
on Dec 26, 2006 2:53 AM

Another comment for the records, (as I'm sure Editors, and designers, are always interested in the comments of their readership, whether in favor of or against), this yarnster didn't care for the "F" word.

When I first saw the pattern on the Patterns page of the Webzine, I didn't "get it" and so I clicked on the pattern for more information, and read the explanation. Then I understood what the words meant. That they were actually an anagram, and I was surprised. Not pleasantly. I realize that just because I don't use the word and rarely am around people who use it in their conversation, doesn't mean there aren't people who use this word freely and see nothing offensive about it. "To each their own", we would say. Having said that, though, we can probably all agree that there's a time and "place" for everything and we don't bring just any subject matter, or certain "hot-button" words, to all areas of our lives, but rather bring it where it's appropriate. I'm not sure publications, printed or web-based, where readership ages vary from 7 to 99+, are the right place.

"Crochet Me" wanted something "edgy", I understand, and I can definitely agree that they got something "edgy". I wouldn't expect to see this anagram in a newsstand crochet publication, however, and there must be a reason for that. I don't know exactly what the reasons would be, and would only be guessing when I say that part of the reason publishers of newsstand crochet magazines don't print patterns with such words might be that they know they would turn off enough subscribers/customers that it would affect their bottom line. Though a web-based magazine, I think "Crochet Me" is as classy and hip as any newsstand publication out there, and I look forward to the same quality and style in Crochet Me as I would a newsstand crochet magazine.

I love "Crochet Me"! I look forward to seeing what ALL designers like to share of themselves, even if I don't necessarily care for the end result. I support designers! I believe there's an audience for every design created. My comments are mainly for the Editor's information, and not an attack on any designer (I'm all for designers creating what's in their heart or what makes them enjoy the craft), nor a judgment against anyone's lifestyle or speech preferences (we all come from different backgrounds and environments in this world), but merely to contribute an opinion and say this reader is not a part of the audience for this subject matter, and I hope that these sort of "edgy" patterns don't become the norm for "Crochet Me".

Anonymous wrote
on Dec 26, 2006 7:03 AM
Hello Maria

I just want to say that I love your pattern. Your pattern, the way I see it is that you can use any saying you like and the example you have shown should open up creativity in people not negativity. I read some of the comments people have wrote to you and I am just mortified.

PEOPLE! You have to learn that if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all. You should be ashamed of yourself for putting down her creativity. I am canadian and in this country we do not tolerate this kind of shinnaginns. I believe in god as well and I know he wouldn't want his people to belitle someone for showing some creative and artistic talent.

Maria you have a good thing going here and I salut you for this
pattern and for the time it took to show it.


on Dec 26, 2006 9:59 AM

Hi Karla,

Thank you very much for your constructive criticism. In nearly three years of publication, you'll notice this is the only pattern we've published that involves profanity. It's certainly not a trend. It's true that I requested something "edgy" from Maria when I thought her initial submission was a bit saccharine. This was her response, and I love it.

There's been talk on this page and elsewhere about what "edgy" is, and to that I say to each her own. What I think personally and what I decide as an editor are not always exactly in line. I assume that's evident, but I know it's a silly assumption to make.

You're right about print magazines. I have never said Crochet Me is modeled after print magazines, though, and a further major difference is that Crochet Me is free. Our readers are tremendously important to us, but we're very aware that we can't make everyone happy all the time. We're quite comfortable with that. To lend perspective, far harsher things than have appeared on this page have been said about designs we've published that do not involve words or ideas. Readers have reacted strongly to colours, shapes, stitches, and techniques. We were never tempted to change our approach to editorial decisions based on these comments, either.

Again, I do very much appreciate your thoughtfulness and criticism. I thought it might be time for me to chime into this discussion.


Kim, Ed.

Maria wrote
on Dec 28, 2006 7:51 PM

Hi Heather, I collect antique books of needlework. The extended double crochet stitch was called the Counterpane stitch in a 1913 publication that I own. It was also called a long double stitch. For some reason, it fell to the wayside, but filet crocheters sometimes substituted it for a dc to square-up their blocks. My Pentacle Shawl uses this stitch. In the late 1970's, Anne Rabun Ough, wrote a book called Aran Crochet and also had 2 leaflets of aran pattern published by Leasure Arts. Mrs Ough used the extended single crochet in her work. In 1991 Annie's Attic published two leaflets by William E. (Bill) Elmore The Elmore Method of Crochet and More Elmore. I actually met Mr. Elmore in Philadelphia during the Crochet Renaissance 2000. He was trying to get both books re-published. He's a facinating white-hair gent, like the popcorn icon, Orville Reckenbacher. Mr. Elmore rediscovered the extended stitch and then some! His terminology is by no means standard but with a little concentration, you can extend any stitch.

Give the edc a whirl! You'll wonder how you did without it!

Take care,


Maria wrote
on Dec 28, 2006 9:20 PM
Hello! Thank you for writing. I appreciate your thoughts and comments and am grateful for your stand on intolerence.

Those who engage in name-calling, shout-outs, put-downs, poison pen letters, whispering campaigns, dirty looks, chain rattling, button pushing,ganging up, bullying, etc., have no power over me with their puny weapons. On the other hand,I welcome fair comment and constructive criticism. While I may not be everyone's flavor, if you have to spit, use a hanky!

Take care,


Amber wrote
on Dec 29, 2006 7:21 PM

I totally dig this and this solved my gift dilemma. I'm making this for my husband for Valentine's Day! There is an empty spot on our bedroom quilt rack that this would hang nicely on when not in use. ;)

karen wrote
on Dec 30, 2006 1:41 AM

Even though I won't make this afghan for moral reasons, I still rolled my eyes about the creativity of it and know many that would like it. It is tame in the world of '***' if you ask me. You chose to offer the pattern and many choose to make or not make it. Glad for the mix of patterns!

Angela wrote
on Dec 31, 2006 10:56 AM
Wow. That does sound fun.

I don't know if I found this blanket 'edgy', but I did think it was funny.

Mandy wrote
on Jan 2, 2007 7:38 AM
Thanks for the great pattern! My husband has been begging me to make him something and I think he'd love this. Maybe a little too much! :)
Hmm..maybe I should use your pdf from your website and do one for "snuggle" or even more "not tonight". Thanks for the ideas!
Keep it comin'


Maria wrote
on Jan 4, 2007 4:25 PM
Hello Everyone!!!! I am so impressed with all the response. Some of the comments were just hilarious!For those who like to balance their four letter words, I just designed a chart of the word LOVE surrounded by a HEART shape. Since this is a graph only and not the completed item, I have made it available in my free patterns page as Valentine's gift to Crochet Me readers.

Go to

You can easily make this into an afghan or use the chart for filet work.

If you want to make an afghan, use the extended double crochet stitch,
begin by--
1: ch 102, edc in the 2nd ch from the hook and in each rem 99 chs. Ch 2;turn.(100 stitches) The turning ch-2 does not count as a stitch.

Then just follow the chart. From a skein of red, I would wind off about 8 egg sized bobbins for the Love portion and then divide the remaining yarn into 2 bobbins for the heart. I'm only guessing here but you might need 3 skeins of white.Use an I hook for the starting chain, then switch to an H hook for the body of work.

If you need any help, I'm always willing to assist.

Take care,


Karla wrote
on Jan 5, 2007 12:34 AM

Hi, Kim

Thank you for your reply. And yes, in the 3 years of Crochet Me, this is the first time I've seen the use of profanity in a pattern. Like I mentioned before, I do find "Crochet Me" a classy webmagazine. You have a nice variety of projects, not only in style, but in skill level, that surely any crocheter could find something they like in your pages. If you were in print, you could hold your own out there in the market. "Crochet Me" is not just like all the other crochet publications out there, and therefore there'd be a place for you. But yes, we like the fact that "Crochet Me" is free, so I'm not encouraging going to print! ha ha!

I appreciate all the hard work you have put into this creation, and I thank the contributing designers for providing their time and efforts in creating patterns and then allowing us to have the patterns for no charge. I have tried my hand at designing a very small project and it wasn't easy. For such a small project it took a lot of time. So I understand the time and effort it takes for our creative yarnsters to design.

I also know "Crochet Me", and you the Editor, and Maria the designer, cannot please all the people all the time, and you don't strive to even try. I wouldn't ask you to. It would be impossible. Yet I think most people, no matter whether they like/don't like/don't care about this "F" word being used, could agree that if we begin to allow this word, what is wrong with another "hot-button" word, or another one? There are plenty of words out there that are non-offensive to some, but very offensive to others, and if one designer is allowed to use a word that is not a big deal in her mind, why couldn't another designer use a word in her design that is not a big deal to her, but is very offensive to some others? Where is the line drawn when we agree that "Hey! That shouldn't be said!" Do we have to even open this door?

Just a thought to ponder.

I'm not giving up "Crochet Me" just because of this first time instance of profanity being published. There's a first time for everything. You've got a faithful viewer here even if I'm one of the viewers who prefer an attitude of neutrality (not going to publish any) on the use of hot-button words. "Crochet Me" is a wonderful source of inspiration to me as a crocheter, and I'm always interested to see what's new in the designer's mind and what they have created. I appreciate the input you gave about Maria's pattern that has become quite the talk of the town, and thank you for taking the time to write back to my original comments, Kim.

Now what's coming up in the next issue? ;)

JaneD wrote
on Jan 5, 2007 1:23 PM

If you're interested in edgy crochet patterns for underwear, you might look at Szydelkowo for beautiful--albeit uncomfortable-looking crocheted thongs as well as other lacework. There aren't very many patterns up yet, but the handiwork is incredible to look at. There's also Koniakow which is a vendor rather than a pattern or crochet site, but which has pictures of beautifully hand-made lace undies. Be forewarned--if you don't like this kind of thing, don't open these links. I'd hate to add fuel to a flaming conversation that has gone on too long already. Also note--unless you can read Polish, you'll want to click on the "English version" button if it doesn't open in English. Enjoy--or not.

JaneD wrote
on Jan 5, 2007 1:27 PM

Acrylic yarn is a by-product of petroleum? Who knew! I'd LOVE to learn more about that--do you have any suggestions?

Maria wrote
on Jan 5, 2007 2:47 PM

Hi JaneD, Glad you asked! I have a heavy science background but not everybody does, so here is my simplified version.

To make Acrylic yarn, you need chemicals, mostly what is needed is a substance called acrylonitrile ( Ak-rillo-night-trill), which is a colorless, toxic liquid. This liquid is a by product of petroleum refining. The acrylic fiber industry was hit hard a couple of years ago by rising raw material cost: Oil, Black Gold, Texas Tea. Manufacturers paid almost 25% more for the dregs.
Now here is the science part-
To make the fibers, chemically bonded chains of small or large molecules that are 85% acrylonitrile, (called polymers or co-polymers) are dissolved in a solvent, usually an aqueous acid solution. The brew is then spun and strained through a colander type of device that helps coagulate the goo into long strands or filaments. These filaments are then washed, stretched, dried and crimped.

To make yarn, the filaments are carded and cut into shorter lengths called staples, and then spun, just like wool. Then they are dyed, twisted into plies, and wound off into skeins, trucked to WalMart, and purchased by consumers.

So not only does it cost more to drive your car, it costs more to crochet and knit.

Take care,


TraciSue wrote
on Jan 6, 2007 2:29 PM

I find it amusing that people will spend their righteous indignation on a pattern that they have to understand what the word means to begin with.

I have seen a couple of people here who say their seven or eight year old did not get it. Why? Because you have to understand what the word means before you can use it correctly. It is why beginning readers books usually have stories that can be easily identified in every day life, such as learning to tie one's shoe laces.

Anonymous wrote
on Jan 17, 2007 8:09 PM

I love this! I think It would be a cute gift for my husband. I need to find a graph of puckered lips to put in the bottom corner. LOL

Mel wrote
on Jan 17, 2007 9:46 PM

Hi Maria,

I am quite new to crocheting and love the fact that there are free patterns available as it gives me the opportunity to practice. I think your pattern is really cute and fun and suggest that if people it offensive, that they just don't look at it - it's really quite simple!

shauna wrote
on Jan 23, 2007 11:11 AM

i gotta say, this was just the thing i needed to find this morning, i LOVE LOVE LOVE a good laugh. for pete's sake people, doesn't anyone have a sense of humour anymore??? if you get offended at this, what do you think of all the magazine at the supermarket checkout stands? personally, with nearly everything i see around me directed at the production and care of babies...its nice to see something a little more adult to laugh at before i have to start my day as the suburban housewife (i gotta remember to show this to the male when he gets home). i can tell i was coffee-less when looking at the picture, cuz i didn't even realize i was looking AT MY FAV FOUR LETTER WORD till i read the description. great work maria, absolutely perfect!!!!

Maria wrote
on Jan 28, 2007 5:31 PM

Thank you, Shauna! This pattern was certainly aimed at the grown-ups! I really love it that so many are making this afghan for the the dudes!

Take care,


Rei wrote
on Jan 28, 2007 9:06 PM
I love this ^_^ it's cute.

I've yet to work with words, this might be my first attempt at it.

I hate getting into this "debate" over the word but I can't help it.

Personally, I think that 1) if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all and 2) in terms of "godly-ness" and such, god never said not to curse or use the "f-word", just don't use his name in vain.

But if people REALLY are that turned off by things like this maybe you could make a separate section of the site for "edgier" pieces like this one so those who dislike those sorts of things won't bother those who don't mind it.

Maria wrote
on Jan 29, 2007 9:58 PM

Hi Rei, If you need any help with working a chart, I'm always available to assist you.

Thanks for your comment!

Take care,


sparrow wrote
on Feb 7, 2007 7:24 PM

Hi Maria,

Purse Idea Question

Con permiso, mind if I make this in a small gauge for a bag for my needlework? I am asking in order to respect your design and commendable boldness. I would just LOVE to see my pals at the local stitch n *** bust a stitch over it. (They are cool chicks -- they let crocheters in the mix.)

High five to you, girlfriend! Charity is where its at, and where you are at. I have a funny feeling God laughs . . . alot! And smiles at your kindness.


Maria wrote
on Feb 12, 2007 1:09 PM
Hello Sparrow, I just saw your post. I think done in a small gauge, the pattern would be outstanding! There's a commom license document for the pattern so you can make it for yourself.

If there is a photo of the completed work, I would just love to see it!

Take care,


Katie wrote
on Feb 18, 2007 1:16 AM

Oh my Goddess, what a fabulous pattern!!! While taking a break from a project I've been working on for a week, I surfed the net for new ideas and found this one, laughed so hard I cried, copied the pattern and started stitchin. Three hours later I'm halfway through. What a great play on words :) You have wonderful creativity. I'm hoping to be able to purchase and try some of the patterns on your website soon. Three cheers for just being yourself. I have a feeling I will be making quite a few of these for friends. BTW, the edc is great! I think it might become my new everday stitch. Thanks for a great laugh and pattern!


Maria wrote
on Feb 21, 2007 10:54 AM
Merry Meet Katie! So happy that you're having fun with the pattern!

The edc is at the top of my crochet stitch list. I love it!

Take care,


Robyn wrote
on Mar 7, 2007 3:14 PM

This blanket rocks. I effing love it.

Thanita wrote
on Apr 9, 2007 7:14 PM

What a wonderful idea! I've only been married for almost 5 years. 3 kids later, it's like I need a blanket like that to drop hints![[ha ha ha]] Thanks for the spicy blanket pattern!

Anonymous wrote
on Apr 18, 2007 6:51 PM
I would love to see your pattern or pic. I am trying to find a pattern for a pentacle shawl...

People can be so cruel and stupid...and most are brainwashed by socalled religion. I wonder what they would say if they actually studied up on their religion and found out that all religion stems from a basic one...and pagan at that! Catholicism based their precepts on pagan worship so they would get worshippers....why the big todo with the Virgin Mary?? The catholic version of the Goddess.

thank you

Sandy wrote
on May 11, 2007 1:17 PM

I am trying to figuire out what is so unmoral about kisses. It's one of MY favorite words. Then add the creativity to create a word from a phrase.

This country is based on freedoms. You have the freedom to not like something. You ALSO have the freedom to click the page close so you don't see it. AND you have the freedom to just not make the pattern.

HOWEVER, you are NOT the only person in the world, and you do NOT speak for everyone else or to step on the freedoms of another (ex. freedom of speech, but it's illegal to holler fire in a crowded theater when there is no fire).

And as for morals, let's look at xtianity. The catholic priests are constantly in news for pedeophilia, then we have those like the Jim/Tammy Baker (yes I know they not in news these days, but are just such a good example of what others do and most know the name in my reference) who had an airconditioned dog house from the donations of HARD WORKING people. The religious leaders who go w/ prostitutes and cheat on spouses.... HMMMMM...when your belief system truly practices "morality" then we can have a discussion. :D


RenaeB@2 wrote
on Feb 8, 2008 9:53 AM

Maybe you could tag this with a warning or just start a new section of "adult" patterns for the more open-minded. Making some of my own sexy lingerie sounds like fun and isn't that what crocheting (or other crafts) is supposed to be about?

"The public library is the most dangerous place in town." - John Ciardi

Espie wrote
on Mar 26, 2008 11:46 AM

Personally, i also find this offensive so i choose to avoid postings from Maria. There, problem solved - No big deal!

thesunxix wrote
on Jun 9, 2008 10:19 PM

Maria, I'm not sure if you're still following this thread or not, but I love the blanket - hilarious.

I also love the fact that I just learned about a new stitch. (I'm an avid filet-er and I've been wondering how I could square my blocks out... THANKS!)

Thank you, Kim, for supporting the Bill of Rights. Censorship is evil, nasty, & wicked.

young_one wrote
on Jul 9, 2008 12:32 PM

I love this pattern funny humor it reminds me of my lunch table a school. hehe (I have a very strang and sickminded friend:).)

Becky@16 wrote
on Nov 6, 2008 8:54 AM

Hey Andrea, I am right there with you and didn't get it until you mentioned it. So don't feel bad.

BluBee wrote
on Dec 20, 2008 2:01 PM
Wow,what a stir this has caused!
Personally I do not find the blanket particularly offensive. Its just a matter of taste isn't it? It was meant to be funny after all. I have seen some pretty awful patterns for things I would not dream of making just because they are well, awful!
Since these free patterns are just that,free,we should be grateful for the time and effort put into posting them for us to

I for one am eternally grateful for free patterns!

kjmauldin wrote
on Sep 6, 2009 7:37 AM

Where do I find the pattern for the pentacle shawl ? ! ? My daughter and I would both love it !

Ruby1 wrote
on Sep 13, 2009 2:44 AM

Thats cool and clever!!

on Jan 19, 2010 8:56 AM

I have a question, what do you use to crochet the letters, do you have a chart?  I'm interesting in incorporating letters/words within my projects.  Thanks 

By the way, I love the project.

on Feb 18, 2010 10:29 AM

I made this pattern for a friend of mine. She loved it and so do I. I keep thinking i need to get over to her house and steal it back. :) I think i am going to make another one for myself though. I really enjoyed making this. What's sad is i didnt realize what it "really" said until i was half way through the pattern LOL.  Maybe i shouldnt have been working on it at work with the pattern out in the open on my desk...Now I know what those looks were about LOL. 

Thanks again for this awesome pattern :D

MariaMerlino wrote
on Feb 18, 2010 5:51 PM

Hello Everyone! Thank you so much for all the new comments!

I'm on Ravelry

My name there is CrochetLiving or Maria Merlino

You can also contact me at

My Pentacle Shawl is on my website

The chart for the letters is next to the text of the pattern.

If you need free alphabet charts, contact me.


Take care,


Milanthe wrote
on Mar 4, 2010 8:39 PM

OMG!!!  I wanna make this so bad...  Just a color border and maybe a pair of lips I heard about put on there...  

ggtechie wrote
on Mar 25, 2010 4:23 PM

This is offensive and should not be included on a family oriented crafting site!

ClassicC wrote
on Jun 21, 2010 8:58 AM

What an inappropriate pattern for Interweave to publish.  Between this an the vagina you published in Interweave Knits I'm quickly losing interest in anything you publish.  I've already decided not to renew my Knit's - maybe it's time to let Crochet go, too.

Christine@36 wrote
on Oct 5, 2010 9:00 AM

OMG, I love this blanket.  I will have to do one for my husband, as I am quite sure he would love this one.